Love More Strange

Last night kinda sucked.

I went to Casbar, the swing club in Brooklyn, New York. They have instituted a new, very strict dress code that enforces a no jeans and no sneakers policy. This sucks for me because I basically only own jeans. Don’t get me wrong, I am stylish, tasteful, and well attired, it’s just that I don’t have many pants that are non-jeans other than pants from suits.

Knowing about the dress code before I went out there, I struggled with what to wear for a bit and finally, and extremely reluctantly, settled on a pair of khakis.

Khakis!

Chinos technically. But, still.

These pants are great for my summertime, ironic-preppy / yachting look, but for at night, in a club, after labor day? No.

I was screwed because I really wanted to go to the club. “Fuck it.” I said to myself. I put on the Khakis and some Gucci loafers and got in a cab headed to Brooklyn. I was REALLY uncomfortable. This wasn’t an outfit I would normally wear but still I looked fine.

There was some okay action at the club. Nothing amazing.

There was a hot middle-aged, Jewish-looking lady who was wearing assless pants and who looked like comedienne Rita Rudner. Also, there was a huge contingent of super-mega-guidos there, all with extra siliconed out women. They, at one point, ALL went into the back and had a crazy orgy that looked like an explosion of tanning salon customers and bad tribal tattoos. I guess technically those are all supposedly good looking people but there was nothing at all sexy about seeing them fuck. Not to me at least.

I spoke to an older woman in her fifties named Ellen who I remembered seeing there a few weeks ago. She was sexy to me because I like women who look like they are not supposed to be in a swing club doing nasty things. She was pretty but plain and sexily pretty plain. The last time I saw her I saw her getting stroked by a black dude so I know she was down for some freaky shit, but alot of times, women like that who mess with black guys, ONLY mess with black guys. She smiled at me at the bar and we talked a bit and hit it off but then she said she was going for a walk so we both got up and she walked away and I went upstairs. It was the pants!

Lemme see… what else happened?

Oh, the super hot woman who fucked thirty guys a few weeks ago was there with her cuckold boyfriend and I watched her get her titties sucked by one of the guys who works at the club. After this, the guy from the club went downstairs and made an announcement that they were raffling off some lady. She was a porno-ey, MILF. Blonde and fake tittied and not really my type. They gave out raffle tickets where you could win fifteen minutes with her in a room if your number was called. I didn’t win. It was, again, the pants. Good thing I didn’t really care.

There was a chubby Indian girl sucking off like five guys in the glory hole booth and there were all sorts of drunken russian people with hot wives and girlfriends.

Also, there was a hot MILF there with her husband and the husband had some black guy holding a leash that was chained around her neck. She was sucking off select guys three at a time. She would take turns suck one dick while stroking the other two. The husband instructed everyone to wear a condom if they wanted to get sucked but to pull it off and cum on her tits when they were ready. 

I got in line and was stroking my cock until it got hard. I felt good because mine was definitely the biggest there at the time. She sucked me and I pulled the condom off.

This is unusal for me but I fucking came like crazy and shot so far that a huge glop of cum hit the black guy’s shirt, the guy who was holding the leash.

Ooops.

He didn’t get mad though. But that was funny because I totally came on a guy. But, the rest of my cum landed on this woman’s tits which were at this point completely covered in like ten guys’ cum.

While I was cumming on this womans tits I got a text message froma  girl I met online on a dating site asking me what I was doing.

I told her I was at a party. I didn’t want to freak her out because we had never met in person. I told her I was headed back into Manhattan and that she should meet me at a bar by my apartment. She agreed, so I jumped in a cab and headed back into the city.

We met on the street. (I knew who it was because she told me what she was wearing)

I was totally charming and friendly and everything but she was MAD frumpy. Cute but chubby and not in a sexy curvy way. She was nice and I actually enjoyed her company but I was a little miffed that she sent a totally misleading, fake-ass glamour shot that she knows damn well she looks nothing like in person. She did have massive titties though.  We got a drink and then I asked her if she wanted to go upstairs and make out. She said, “Sure.”

We went upstairs into my apartment and started making out and I unleashed her tremendous titties.

(I’m not even really into titties)

We made out on the couch and I started feeling on her bulbous ass and eventually made my way around to her pussy. I asked her if she was shaved and she said no. Great!

I put her on the bed and started eating her pussy like crazy. She had a nice bush, which I like. I have some skills in this department so after about 5 or ten minutes, she was cumming hard.  

But yo… her pussy had some .. uh…flavor. But the thing is, it wasn’t her pussy. I think she, uhhh, you know, didn’t wipe properly. I know she must have “gone” maybe earlier in the night because after we were done and she rolled over, I noticed little toilet paper fragments in her ass. Gross!!!!

Then!!!! She gave me such a bad blowjob that probably for the first time in…EVER… I just kinda pulled my dick out of her mouth and laid down next to her and started talking.

FUH – KING – LAME!!!!

Oh yeah, before I met up with her, I ran up into my apartment and changed into jeans so, the horrible, worst blowjob of my life did not have anything to do with the khakis.

She definitely noticed that I stopped the blowjob but I was all nice to her and started talking to her and having a conversation in order to play it off a little. Eventually we got dressed and sat on the couch and I told her I had to go to bed. We said goodnight and she left.

Anyway, to recap, I came all over a sexy MILFS tits and a black guy at Casbar and beyond that, didn’t see any particularly stimulating scenes except maybe the Indian girl sucking off strangers through a glory hole. Then, I came home, sucked a pussy that smelled of ass-smell, and got the worst blow job ever and didn’t even bust a load. Awesome!

Bad. Pants.